A small devotion. Oh, and there’s an Uglysuit and a cute blonde involved.

So. It’s 4 in the morning and I can’t sleep again for a few reasons. The first is an oddly named band called The Uglysuit and their song Chicago (which I discovered because of one of the Marks over at The Hellblog (www.thehellblog.com. You’ll find him. Oh, but he’s NOT Librecht. That one rocks, but it’s not him). It’s perhaps the perfect song to listen to on your deck at sunset when the sky’s lit up with orange wax, the clouds are fading into pink, and you’re just kicking back with a beer and a few good friends. It’s not one of those songs you listen to when you want to have fun. Not that it impedes it, no sir. But it’s a song you think to, it’s a song you take time out of whatever you’re doing if you hear it on the street so you can listen. It lazily drifts from one place to another, with a wonderful build and lyrics that all add up. It’s like taking the Cat Empire and smoking them up a whole lot. It’s nice.

Secondly on my list today… *sigh* I talked to Kelsey. Kels is a girl that’s far too young for most of the other Hellbloggers (she’s 16. Being 18 myself, that’s kosher for me). She and I are pretty much in the throes of love. We find eachother amazing (at least I hope… I know that I’m personally smitten) and every time we talk I have to laugh because she’s the cutest thing you’ve ever met. When I first met her she was a damsel in distress and I turned out to be her knight in shining armor, let me tell you… at least that’s how she herself puts it. She’s got the most adorable smile, the cutest laugh, the prettiest face, and the most mature, funny personality for her age, and good holy shit she fucking LOVES ME. The issue is that she lives in NJ, which is obviously an impasse to any real meaningful relationship. We know this and so we keep it at least casual. We talk about it alot, but only because otherwise we’d be bottling up our feelings, and we’ve both had nasty times trying to hold stuff in when it needs to be let free. She’s someone I consider my best, best friend, for lack of a much better term. Y’know what? Let’s say this. She’s a smart blonde. Try that out for size.

Anyways, (he said, after profusely apologizing to Aly,) the issue I have is with her boyfriend Steli. The guy’s not bad; he’s protective, but I’ve talked to him many times and although I don’t share his zeal for our relationship, I have to admit that at heart he is a very good man and a good friend. The problem is that he’s also a violent douchebag. The reason he respects me so much is because I’ve saved his relationship with Kelsey more times than I’d warrant, mainly because he keeps being an asshole about it. Kelsey knows it and is confused; I didn’t take it well at all when they first started dating. I still don’t. So why should I help him? When it comes down to it, it’s because I can’t have her. I know I can’t. And so what I have now is a friend coming to me for assistance, and I happen to be in a wonderfully convenient position to help, knowing both of them better than anyone. The strain is taking toll on me… I confessed I still loved her today. She said the same to me. Life’s a bitch sometimes, you just have to appreciate what you’ve got, and I know I have everything but a relationship from her. I’ll survive.

But while we’re on the topic of fellow Hellbloggers and depression, I’ve got a few words to say. I’ve taken to skimming the blogs of some of my fellow friends from the Hellblog, and I have to say that I’m sort of down about it. It’s not that they’re bad people; christ knows that they’ve shown the utmost respect and humor by letting the runt of the pack get his two sense in, even if it’s a little annoying and naive, and Christ knows that a few people (Mark, Chinky) have been the nicest dudes (or dudettes; not making that mistake twice, Chinky) have already shown me a whole lot of kindness. Andy reminds me of my best friend Adam, Alain is freaking hilarious, Mark (Librecht) has his own awesome dorkiness going on, the other aforementioned Mark seems mellow and cool, Aly’s cute and seems really nice, Goldy’s just… shit, she’s Goldy, and everyone has the greatest sense of humor that just makes the day a tiny bit sunnier when I get on.

So it really throws me for a loop when I see that so many of the guys are feeling down. Granted, it’s usually not without good reason; I won’t name people or make specifics, but I’ve read my fair share, and my heart goes out to all of them. And I’m not yelling at anyone for being depressed, either; optimism is a rare brew that must be drank with caution and forethought. It’s just sad to see that so many people have so much to deal with in their lives. I don’t know any of them that well, to be honest. I started looking there regularly a few days ago, maybe. Lord knows they all know eachother a hell of a lot better than I do. But I wanna do something for them, y’know? It looks like they’re getting shit on a lot more than they deserve, and I’m gonna see if I can do my part in my own little way to make’em all smile for a few minutes someday. I don’t know if I can do more, especially when I don’t know them, but I think it needs to be done. I’m 18, and I’m one lucky son of a bitch to have what I got. I’m not as bogged down with emotional baggage as they are, and I can still make it from point A to point B pretty quick without much of a struggle. I can run a few extra laps so the others can take a breather from the bullshit for a while, I think.

So, here’s to a whole group of guys I’d like to share a mug with someday, and a group of people that get shit on a lot more than they deserve.

Hope y’all sleep tight. -Mikey